On a weekday, I would usually go straight in front of the laptop to draft something coming home from work. Today is not one of those days. My husband has to use the laptop, HIS laptop. Since the day we came here in Sydney, my dear laptop refused to turn on. My husband tried everything he can to help me resurrect it but the best he could do was recover all my files from the hard disk. I’m not sure whether it got so used to the humid weather too much that it refuses to survive on Sydney’s dry breeze, or it’s just my luck! We tried bringing it to the repair station and they were asking us $700 for the repair. That costs as much as a brand new laptop so you guessed it, we didn’t have it repaired. However, I haven’t bought a new one either (nothing to blame but the fact that two finance people marrying each other would make for a thrifty-bordering-cheapskate kind of household). So here I am, trying to work out a decent post using…that’s right, my phone!
This romantic notion that, well, if someone has the talent and desire to write, they’ll get it done no matter how exhausting their day job is or how few hours they have to write, is a nice fiction, but it’s no reflection of real life, or of how creativity works for most people
I came across this comment from @Pamela Troy on one of Salon.com’s posts about writers and the reality of pursuing a writing career. It’s an interesting article with an equally thought provoking discussion going on in the comments section. You may want to check it for yourself here.
I’m one living proof of this article. I enjoy writing and I found an outlet from the daily grind through blogging, but aside from a laptop, I’m also very much constrained with time. I can only start writing at 7pm, that’s the earliest on weekdays. I have of course, other responsibilities on weekends. I am also studying to get a CPA license, because writers and artists according to the article needs a day-job, which I need a license to sustain and make the most out of. I remember I told my husband while writing one weekend that this is what I want to do. I want to be home-based, writing for a living. He very lovingly gave me a dose of reality by saying it’s a nice dream but, “What will we eat?” Of course, we can eat cause he has a fulltime job too but we’ll have to give up on our current apartment which is very convenient and our lifestyle (which is not really much but something we can call decent). We’re only starting out our lives here. We have to work–I have to work! If that means I need to wake up every morning, rush to the office and sit down on a full eight hours of non-stop spread sheet formula, reports generation and numbers analyses, then so be it. Artists were not given equal opportunities to begin with but what does it matter? God gave me a degree, a supportive husband and a stable source of income. It may not be equivalent to the wealth or the connections, but that is enough. After all, this is reality. There are costs to following one’s dreams.
Doing the same thing for seven years, I can’t help but yearn for something better than this. So when blogging came to the picture, I embraced it. Everynight even if I were so tired, I would try and read and find some inspiration. Every now and then, I try to write. But lately, my husband noticed that this new found passion is taking too much of my time that should have been so rightfully spent sleeping. I’ve been running on four hours of sleep on the average of late.
Upon reading this article from salon.com, I felt the reality of our condition. This society unfortunately favors the security of blunt and unexciting, less fulfilling job titles over self-expression and artistic inclinations. We can blame capitalism all we want. The point is, it’s never going to be easy (unless you’re either born or married to a millionaire). But that also made me realize how much I really like it, cause I still think it’s worth the sacrifices.
The past few nights I’ve been praying that God puts me in the right direction regarding my career. I think I got a prelude to an answer. God is testing my heart, “This is the reality of what you’re asking, do you still want it?”
Yes, I do. How or when it will happen, I do not know. As a Christian though, I’m just so grateful I can leave it up to Him and simply trust.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the , “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. -Jeremiah 29:11
In the meantime, I’d have to give my overworked phone a break and my body some time to recharge. My stable-income day job awaits!
Featured photo is part of our very own engagement photo album, shot in 2013 by the Wedding Photographer, Nez Cruz.