A Dose of Reality… Yet Again

I had the perfect excuse to work from home today. The property manager conducted the very first inspection of the unit we are renting. I did actually work but I also realised, now more than ever, that my ideal life is waking up to a day like this. Working in my sleeping clothes; having breakfast, lunch and snacks without the time constraints; freely surfing the net about an idea that suddenly pops into my mind without worrying if my boss or an officemate is looking over my shoulder to see what’s on my screen–all this is just perfect.

I definitely want to work. I’m not actually sure if I can last a day without getting in front of my computer to make myself busy with something worthwhile. But I guess after some time, people eventually tire of the normal 9 to 5 routine and the ordeal of waking up in the morning to go to the office, waiting for the clock to strike closing time. Specifically for me, who’s an introvert (lately, I’ve been receiving feedback and psych test results saying I’m an ambivert or an outgoing introvert), I love working on my own. I don’t have issues dealing with people and working in teams, only saying as a matter of preference, I’ve always loved being in control of a specific work from its beginning through to the end and having the fulfilment to call it your own. This may sound vain but I enjoy working with myself, participating in those productive discussions happening inside my head. This is why I always believed I’m an artist and I was aways meant to be one.

Unfortunately for me, I was born and educated in a third-world country where that career path is a luxury and only those born to rich families who would almost always have the right connections can realistically assume they’ll make it big. Talent is definitely not all you need in the third-world. So I worked my way up through a more profitable, practical and safe profession. It enabled me to save and get most of what I basically need. Most times, it afforded me with more than what I need. These types of job can bring you to places, countries you can only dream about if you’re a struggling artist (especially writer) in some far-east country whose foreign exchange currency rate doesn’t even appear in the banks’ boards. Ultimately, this type of job gave my husband and I (both working in the same field) the privilege to live in a first-world country while we are still young. For that, I will always be thankful. Not out of sheer gratefulness though, I’m still doing the same thing I used to do since I got out of the university to fend for myself.

Today, I got two emails about job opportunities (in the same line of work, of course). I have not replied to either of them. I wished to move to a new job because my current one doesn’t really pay much (not complaining here, I’m just fully aware how much more on the average similar positions pay), but deep down I secretly wish there was another option for me. I was hoping to get a job that will allow me to do something I really love doing. So I went looking for opportunities for writers. Most of them either require experience (which I don’t have because I spent all my professional life becoming an expert of something else) or involve writing for companies–asks you to promote brands, products, company websites, etc. The latter is not a far cry, in essence, from what I currently do with so much less money.

There are opportunities for writers with no experience which, I can tell upfront requires tons of work but pays as little as $1 per page. On the average they would expect 10 articles a week. If I’ll do that full-time, I could possibly achieve their targets (and mind you, the topics are not the least bit exciting as you might have imagined). But doing it full-time means I have to give up the salary I currently get for a maximum of $30 per week, assuming I write 3 pages per article and turn in 10 of them per week. Wow, I definitely can’t live on that. I don’t know how full-ime writers could have survived their days when they were all still starting out. I read some articles written by full-time writers honest enough to admit that they were able to pull it off only because they are lucky to have advantages that didn’t need to be part of their hard work–either with their parents or spouses who may have financed them before they made it big or at the least provided them with all the connections or head-start they needed.

Realistically speaking, success in this highly competitive, low-paying field with a highly saturated market demand may be just a chasing after the wind. Maybe for most, writing (or whatever their passion with some inclinations towards the arts is) were just only meant to be a hobby. This is not yet heaven yet, after all.

I can say blame it on commercialisation, industrialisation and the market economy, And yes, I’ll say this as a well-informed, sufficiently-educated economics graduate. But today I prefer to be a realistic layperson, so I’m blaming my fundamental need to provide amply for myself and my family, and my fear of treading the unknown to start somewhere bottom-low, even lower than when I started out with where I am now. Oh yes, I’m just a coward. So I’m responding to those two head-hunters who sent me those emails about finance job opportunities and for the time being, forget about ever having the same work-from-home everyday lifestyle that I had a taste of just for today.

Yeah, I know… LIFE!


Featured photo is from barclaylittlewood.com


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Sailing with the wind, fighting my way out of loneliness and into life, I seek the face of God day by day as I walk in the light of His daily sufficient grace.

7 thoughts on “A Dose of Reality… Yet Again”

  1. 인생이란 인생인 것이다. -> I wrote it to be seen like mystery words.
    I am on your side unrelated to decisions you make.


  2. This whole post is very well-put. I can relate so well! If it’s any comfort, you ARE a writer, no doubt about it. One of these days all your perseverance will pay off, I’ll bet you anything.


  3. I used to work from home at my job allot, and I also worked abroad. If I was at work I had my own private office which meant no nosey neighbors. The pay was wretched, but I was happy, and that is what’s important to me. Gah I loved my job so much, that although it is unreasonable to return as a mom, I use this blog to write as I would day to day to my managers and sales associates.
    30 bucks a week is definitely impossible, but is something to do on the evenings and weekends until you have some experience on your resume to move on to better paying writing gigs. 😉 My husband is always finding paid blogging positions, but again I would not be happy writing about the topics he lists, I’d rather just publish my own book.


    1. I know! Whenever I visit your blog, shopgirl I can’t help but feel how much you enjoy what you’re doing. Then I ask myself, why can’t I have such a blessing, too? Maybe, the time has not come for me yet. Or maybe, there’s a brave step I should take that I have not had the courage to. It would be good to have a really long chat with you over coffee about this. I need some guidance. I’m not sure how that can be possible, but if you get that book published, please let me know. That should be close enough. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Haha, I think that allot with my consistent blogger “friends”, if I dare go as far as to use such an intimate term for an online strict relation. 😉 Having coffee that is! You have hope and the dream so you are on the right path, I know my bff since Jr High always struggles with defeat, “You’re supposed to hate your job” she always tells me. Makes me want to bang my head against the wall!!! 😉


      2. You’re a rare kind of species, that’s why! I wish I could have the same good “problem” you have. I look forward to the day my friends would say that to me. Well, you’re right. Everyone starts with only a dream. Maybe I should take my time and trust myself, one baby step at a time. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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